Why do we do the whole – pretend it never happened – thing?


We’ve all done it. I know that I have and I know that you have too, at some point.
Situation avoidance. Remember back when we were kids. If we did something wrong, firstly we would try not to get caught, but then we would completely avoid the situation or topic. We didn’t want our parents nagging us. There were also times where simply not talking about something, or to someone was the easiest option, and as kids, we were inclined to take the easiest way out. I know I was. Other times, perhaps, we were just afraid.
So topics were dropped, feelings left unexpressed, words left unspoken.
It’s somewhat understandable for a child to act in this manner, after all they are children, young and inexperienced in the ways of life. We know that from once being children ourselves.

My question is that why do we, as adults, still perform these avoidance tactics? Surely we are old enough and mature enough now? We have lived life and we have seen first hand from our parents and elders, and especially from ourselves that it does not help.
Any topic, feelings, words that are not spoken about or expressed, will not simply disappear. Instead they will remain where you choose not to see them, festering like a bowl of uneaten fruit left to lie in the sun. As they lay there in the back of your mind, festering between you and whoever the other person may be, they are slowly poisoning you, poisoning that relationship. Whether it be between a mother and daughter, a sister and brother, a lovers relationship, or a friendship, any kind of relationship.
That poison will spread, and eventually like an infected limb, there will be no choice left but to sever it off. Leaving you in the days, weeks, months to follow, thinking how much you miss that limb.

My point is that we, as adults, should be able to realise this, be brave enough to confront our problems and express our feelings to the people that matter. We can’t just get to the river, and upon finding no bridge, decide not to cross. It may be easier, but we will be left never knowing what was on the other side, and whether or not it was worth crossing for. No. We must find a way to cross that river. Even if it means walking all the way downstream to find a crossing. Even if it means building a damn bridge. It may take time, but in the end you will never regret not trying.

Have you been faced with a difficult situation that you would rather avoid to save yourself the trouble? What did you do, avoid it? Or confront it? And do you think you made the right choice?
Please share your thoughts in a comment.


3 thoughts on “Why do we do the whole – pretend it never happened – thing?

  1. My thoughts here, Nick, are deeper than this brief comment. Thank you, though, for the invitation to share.

    Two immediate observations: 1) Men… culturally, historically, and sadly, either do not know how to express their feelings and allow their emotions to guide them or they choose an easier path — avoidance, when presented with blissful and/or challenging situations. 2) In many societies people are becoming less inclined, if not outright opposed, to engage in civil dialogue, when and where open and effective communication requires genuine listening and appreciation for others’ perspectives — be they right or wrong (which is often open to bias and interpretation).

    Sure I have been faced with difficult situations but I haven’t side stepped them. I simply choose to listen, be thoughtful, consider myself in another’s place, and respond — hopefully in a tempered, understanding, and constructive manner. I can be just as amply opinionated as I can be considerate and open. But letting matters fester, nah! That ain’t me. 🙂

    A great post topic!

    1. Thanks for taking the time to share your opinion, and I agree with your observations. I think it also doesn’t help that more and more people are becoming somewhat anti social due to communication via text, instant message etc.
      Once again thanks for taking the time to appreciate and share your opinions.

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